If you look at most successful people, you'll see that they all have one thing in common - self-confidence. Yes, some people are born with it but for most other people, it's a learned skill.Here are my top suggestions to increase your confidence:Work on your body language.We've all been at places where someone quite ordinary strides into a room, makes eye contact and start impressing the socks off everybody. Or where you think somebody's at least 6 feet tall because of their bearing and the way they carry themselves and then later you realize they're quite average.
Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice...Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Get rid of those negative self-beliefs. The negative self-limiting beliefs that are constantly repeating in your head greatly contributes to your feelings of inadequacy or incapacity. Getting rid of these thoughts is one of the fundamental tasks for anyone who wants to raise his self esteem. You could start by paying more attention to everything that it says--be more attentive of all the negative self-talk that is taking place inside your head. Then you can work on making a list of all the unfavourable thoughts that you hear within. After you have identified your destructive self-limiting beliefs, challenge and refute them. Take each negative thought on your list and counter it with a positive statement together with supporting proof. To provide you with an example, let's use the negative thought, "I cannot do anything well." You can counter this thought by writing down: "Sure, I can do some things well" and then list down things that you have successfully done in the past.
Make a list of at least five good qualities and remind yourself of them daily, but especially when you're having a bad day.Don't dwell on your past mistakes.Recognise that the mistake does not define who you are. You can fail an exam without being a failure. Your relationship might have gone off in the ditch but that does not mean you are a failure.Keep things in perspective. It just means that you failed the exam or that the relationship failed. Surround yourself with supportive people.The last thing you need when you feel down or less-than-fabulous is to be surrounded by naysayers and negative people telling you that "all men suck" or "it's impossible to get that job you're after".Choose carefully who you share your heart with and surround yourself with people who will encourage and motivate people. If you don't have many of those in your life, then contact me and I will be your cheerleader!
Start being more assertive. If you have formed the habit of putting aside your needs, thoughts and emotions in an effort to please or avoid upsetting other people, then you must stop that habit now. Being passive and putting the needs and rights of others above your own further damages your self-esteem. So start working on that ability to speak up and share what's on your mind and stop letting others push you around. Remember that what you think and feel is no less important than anyone else's.If you find yourself feeling like you're "in a rut" and not appreciating yourself as much as you should, there are simple changes you can make to improve self-confidence and take charge of your life again. Confidence affects every area of life, from relationships to the workplace. And improving your self-confidence will always have a beneficial effect on both your relationships with others, and your ability to handle the little ups and downs that life can throw at us from time to time.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one ay, but it's also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their thing, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity - I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today's tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it's a party for two (if you're WATCHING The game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says "I think you are important", and it validates this person's place in your life. He will also be thinking "I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me", and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Avoid Energy Vampires. All of us know someone who seems to "suck the energy" out of a room just by entering. Give yourself permission to minimize contact with these people. Don't hate them or judge them in any way. Just recognize that they do not improve the quality of your life, and minimize your connection with them.Take a Chance. Try something new and different that you may have been apprehensive about in the past. Enroll in an adult education class, or join a book club, gym, bowling league or other social pastime. Shake up your life a little bit. The change will do you good, and your self-confidence will improve.
Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you an honest person? Do you like to share? You like to help and cooperate? Are you creative? Athletic? Be generous with yourself and write at least 20 positive characteristics about yourself. It is also important that the brush up frequently.Many people give in to their shortcomings and wonder constantly because their lives are not working the way they expected. Start focusing on your skills, live sure of yourself and then you have a better chance of getting things in life that you both want and deserve.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement "hands are for helping, not for hurting". They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults do get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself "words are for helping, not for hurting". If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. The intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down.
Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice...Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Get rid of those negative self-beliefs. The negative self-limiting beliefs that are constantly repeating in your head greatly contributes to your feelings of inadequacy or incapacity. Getting rid of these thoughts is one of the fundamental tasks for anyone who wants to raise his self esteem. You could start by paying more attention to everything that it says--be more attentive of all the negative self-talk that is taking place inside your head. Then you can work on making a list of all the unfavourable thoughts that you hear within. After you have identified your destructive self-limiting beliefs, challenge and refute them. Take each negative thought on your list and counter it with a positive statement together with supporting proof. To provide you with an example, let's use the negative thought, "I cannot do anything well." You can counter this thought by writing down: "Sure, I can do some things well" and then list down things that you have successfully done in the past.
Make a list of at least five good qualities and remind yourself of them daily, but especially when you're having a bad day.Don't dwell on your past mistakes.Recognise that the mistake does not define who you are. You can fail an exam without being a failure. Your relationship might have gone off in the ditch but that does not mean you are a failure.Keep things in perspective. It just means that you failed the exam or that the relationship failed. Surround yourself with supportive people.The last thing you need when you feel down or less-than-fabulous is to be surrounded by naysayers and negative people telling you that "all men suck" or "it's impossible to get that job you're after".Choose carefully who you share your heart with and surround yourself with people who will encourage and motivate people. If you don't have many of those in your life, then contact me and I will be your cheerleader!
Start being more assertive. If you have formed the habit of putting aside your needs, thoughts and emotions in an effort to please or avoid upsetting other people, then you must stop that habit now. Being passive and putting the needs and rights of others above your own further damages your self-esteem. So start working on that ability to speak up and share what's on your mind and stop letting others push you around. Remember that what you think and feel is no less important than anyone else's.If you find yourself feeling like you're "in a rut" and not appreciating yourself as much as you should, there are simple changes you can make to improve self-confidence and take charge of your life again. Confidence affects every area of life, from relationships to the workplace. And improving your self-confidence will always have a beneficial effect on both your relationships with others, and your ability to handle the little ups and downs that life can throw at us from time to time.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one ay, but it's also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their thing, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity - I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today's tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it's a party for two (if you're WATCHING The game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says "I think you are important", and it validates this person's place in your life. He will also be thinking "I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me", and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Avoid Energy Vampires. All of us know someone who seems to "suck the energy" out of a room just by entering. Give yourself permission to minimize contact with these people. Don't hate them or judge them in any way. Just recognize that they do not improve the quality of your life, and minimize your connection with them.Take a Chance. Try something new and different that you may have been apprehensive about in the past. Enroll in an adult education class, or join a book club, gym, bowling league or other social pastime. Shake up your life a little bit. The change will do you good, and your self-confidence will improve.
Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you an honest person? Do you like to share? You like to help and cooperate? Are you creative? Athletic? Be generous with yourself and write at least 20 positive characteristics about yourself. It is also important that the brush up frequently.Many people give in to their shortcomings and wonder constantly because their lives are not working the way they expected. Start focusing on your skills, live sure of yourself and then you have a better chance of getting things in life that you both want and deserve.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement "hands are for helping, not for hurting". They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults do get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself "words are for helping, not for hurting". If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. The intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down.
About the Author:
Learn more about How To Gain Self Confidence as well as How To Get What You Want In Life , now.
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